Allie

Well this is the post that I have put off writing. I have to share before I begin that we have not figured out what God wants us to do. We are praying daily that He gives us clear direction. We would GREATLY appreciate you praying for us.

Towards the end of July, Kevin and I decided to begin the process of adoption. We knew very little about the process, but knew it could be a long one. We knew we wanted to adopt a biracial baby girl from the hosptial. We met with an agency on our way to Ft. Myers for Mason's GI appt. We left with mixed emotions. More so me than Kevin. We quickly found out that most adoption agencies deal with Semi Open adoptions . This is where we would meet the birthmom and exchange letters and pictures throughout the childs life. We were told this helps when the child turns 18 for a better reunion. Selfishly this was a tough pill to swallow. I could not begin to comprehend sharing my child with someone else. I had thoughts like "will I ever feel like she is mine" or "will we bond" etc..... I cried the whole way to Ft. Myers. I was angry at God that I couldn't have my own children. Now my only option to expand our family stunk!!

Over the course of the next two weeks I did serious research. I spoke with pregnancy centers, (to try and understand the side of the birthmom) counselors, families who have semi open adoptions and adoption agencies. God began to do a work in my heart. I knew that my feelings were much deeper than a birthmom. The dream I had about having children was different than His plan for my life. It is still something that I'm working through. Which is why the next part of this story has been a struggle for me.

One of the agencies we contacted asked where we were in the process. I told them we haven't even done a home study. They said well we have a girl that is due in early December with a biracial girl. My heart started pounding. They wanted us to come in an meet them. We met with them and felt very comfortable. We quickly put together our portfolio and they quickly completed our home study. When they presented our portfolio to the girl, She said we were exactly what she was praying for.

This past Monday we had the opportunity to meet with her. The meeting went well but there were several concerns that Kevin and I had. Our concerns are with the birth dad and her family. They are not in favor of her decision and our going to make this difficult. Also the birthmom had epilepsy until age 12. She (the birthmom) is excited. She knows that this little girl is going to a wonderful family and she is happy with her decision. She wants us to be at the birth and has also agreed to an ultrasound so we can have pictures.

My emotions are up and down. One minute I'm buying clothes the next minute I want to take them back. I'm asking God for a crystal clear answer. Kevin and I have made some important appointments the week of the 26th. We are hoping that through these meetings we have a peace about adopting this baby. We don't want to put this birthmom on an emotional rollercoaster. If we want to back out, we need to do it by the beginning of October. Please be praying for this decision. I was up again last night asking God for answers. I titled the post Allie because that is what we will call our little girl. We have a formal name but we are going to wait on posting that.

I will keep you updated on our journey but we are praying for the health and safety of this little baby either way. She is a gift from God and we are praying for her to be in the perfect home.